I hate my heart

It's all going to be a waste of time being emo and all desperate and very heart consuming of what's going on right now in me... I'm not happy.. I'm not okay.. I'm not getting any better.. I feel kinda hopeless.. It's freaking hard to take yourself out of the water once you jump into it.. I'm not an addict, it's just how I'm feeling right now.. I mean.. I used to be very good at everything in my life.. I'm always in control.. I have things in their right places but then now it seems hard to be in control.. I know it's not always going to be all ME.. And I should not trust myself.. Cause I know how worst of a kind I can be.. And.. Trusting God is all I need.. And it's not that easy as eating a cake... Man! How did I do that when I was young!? I mean.. Trusting God was so easy back when I was a little girl.. Is it because things are getting bigger as you grow? NO! big or small, my God can handle that.. But I don't know what's happening to me now.. Maybe it's all because of me.. My relationship with the Lord when I was young was so precious and something I take seriously.. But as I grew.. I got busy with a lot of stuffs.. I forget my God sometimes... Awww... I feel bad.. Gosh! This is why.. It's all me.. It's because I worry too much. This aint good. :|