Dark woods

I know I've been in this place before.. I've seen this scenario.. This old black trees.. Those calling voices.. The crickets' very slow sound.. Foggy dark forest.. I don't know where I got the keys on the first place but I'm scared.. I don't want to step my feet inside and start searching for something I cannot find.. Creepy mystical plants.. Luminous flowers.. The sound of an owl.. A violin sound of the wind.. Keeps calling me.. Taking my breath.. Taking what's on my mind.. It's like trying to take my soul.. Away from where I am.. Away from what seems to be obscure & undeniably hard situation of your life.. I'm freaking out inside.. I know what to do.. But the garden is amusing.. Like I wanna stare and just be there.. It's slowly killing my pain.. Suddenly I'm feeling light.. Like I can float in the air.. I want to taste what's in there.. I want to get away with my burdens, bit by bit I can see myself moving towards the woods.. I need a help.. I started screaming, but no ome hears me, I started cutting my self.. To feel the pain, the smell of blood, the essence of it, it's moment.. The relief I get.. The reality of what I can get.. It's here.. I know.. I am helpless, worthless, hopeless.. But a little voice inside my chest.. Keeps up a beat.. I started listening.. It's getting louder.. Like a zoom of a train.. I felt a hit..

I woke up.. It's 7 in the morning.. I slept in the woods, a real green woods.. I tried wandering.. But I can't put myself away from where I found myself.. I'm still scared. I dunno what to do.. I feel a little coldness inside of me.. I feel the thirst, the hunger, I feel weak.. Then I heard a flowing river, birds chirping.. I felt a little joy to see the flowing river.. I feel safe.. I feel okay.. I wanted to run.. Run as fast as I can.. Run until I see what I want.. Running and running.. Then stopped.

I saw my family, my friends, they are calling for me, everyone's happy to see me, there's a celebration..
I'm thinking.. What is this.. What is happening.. Someone took my hand.. Drag me gently towards my Dad, I didnt see his face but I heard his voice "Your dad was calling you, he wants to talk to you. Let's go!"
I faced my Dad, he smiled at me.. Hugged me so tight and whispered in my ear: "My eldest daughter, I'm so proud of you, I know you can do it! I believe you can! And now you're here with us. We missed you!"
As I turned around.. I was trying to wake myself.. I'm confused.. I do not understand.. As I absorbed everything.. I just fainted.

"It was all a dream! Whew! That's strange.." I look around.. Everything's normal.. I prayed..

"Lord, I am at my low point of my life right now & I know I can't do this by myself. I need you more than anything. You changed my life, turning my bads into goods, and my goods to better ones.. You said that nothing is impossible with you, nothing you Lord cannot handle.. I believe in You Lord. And please help me to believe in Your powers. Amen."

I hate my heart

It's all going to be a waste of time being emo and all desperate and very heart consuming of what's going on right now in me... I'm not happy.. I'm not okay.. I'm not getting any better.. I feel kinda hopeless.. It's freaking hard to take yourself out of the water once you jump into it.. I'm not an addict, it's just how I'm feeling right now.. I mean.. I used to be very good at everything in my life.. I'm always in control.. I have things in their right places but then now it seems hard to be in control.. I know it's not always going to be all ME.. And I should not trust myself.. Cause I know how worst of a kind I can be.. And.. Trusting God is all I need.. And it's not that easy as eating a cake... Man! How did I do that when I was young!? I mean.. Trusting God was so easy back when I was a little girl.. Is it because things are getting bigger as you grow? NO! big or small, my God can handle that.. But I don't know what's happening to me now.. Maybe it's all because of me.. My relationship with the Lord when I was young was so precious and something I take seriously.. But as I grew.. I got busy with a lot of stuffs.. I forget my God sometimes... Awww... I feel bad.. Gosh! This is why.. It's all me.. It's because I worry too much. This aint good. :|